You may just need to find a new hideout at work.
If you’ve worked retail you know how important it is to take toilet breaks. Sometimes you’ve had some bad Chinese food the night before and you ain’t got no other choice. Other times the stress of being lambasted with abuse from customers is just too much, and you need a moment of peace.
The bathroom offers you space where you can escape for a few minutes. When you’re on your fifth ten-hour shift of the week, barely scraping by on minimum wage, all while your managers stand over you cracking the whip; those few moments on the loo are the difference between a recharge or a burnout.
Now the Man wants to take that little luxury away from you. Who is the man you ask?
Mr. Gill is the founder of a British start-up called StandardToilet and the evil scientists employed by Mr. Gill have developed a torturous device: a toilet that slopes down at a 13-degree angle.
So what, you wonder? Well, by sitting at this angle, you will start to feel some discomfort in your legs, similar to holding a squat, after about five minutes. Employees will either be forced off the toilet or suffer the painful consequences.
The idea is that it will “increase employee productivity”. Do you think this supposed production boost will result in a boost in wages? Yeah, me neither.
Gill ensures us that the discomfort felt will “not be enough to cause health issues”. I’m not sure if that statement extends to those of us out there that suffer from IBS, hemorrhoids, or any other bowel related issues.
StandardToilet reasoning for their modified toilet is that “In modern times, the workplace toilet has become a private texting and social media usage space”. An understandable observation, albeit very presumptuous. Either way one has to question this as a solution.
The announcement has been met, as you would expect, with a lot of social media backlash, with it even going viral on twitter. Most users share the same sentiment, that this is yet another little chip away at what little luxuries workers have while wrapped up in the great capitalistic machine. I’m not sure it’s that deep, but you’re welcome to question the morality of it.
Mr. Gill, or Darth Gill as I will be referring to him as from now on, got the idea when he was forced to wait for a free toilet in a shopping center after a night out. I know! Imagine the audacity!
Rich old man gets annoyed that the little people spend too much time sitting on his throne. You couldn’t make this stuff up.
To top it all off, the toilet will retail for upwards of $650 dollars. A steep price tag for a toilet, but perhaps a small price to pay for increased employee productivity.
The British Toilet Association has also given public backing to the project, so it definitely has the establishment behind it.
Now workplace toilets are one thing, but Darth Gill doesn’t want to stop there, oh no. He wants train stations, shopping centers, and everything in between. If he has his way there won’t be a single toilet in the entire galaxy free from his imperial malice.
If you fear this monstrosity will be making a permanent washroom break in a restroom near you, make sure you stay in the loop, shout from the rooftops, and let your opinion be heard because your time on the loo is heading down a calculatedly steep slope.